Trainwreck
by hwkitty
Summary: AU, Spystuck; collab with MickitheMouse! Wealthy businessman Jack Noir is attempting an assassination on the royalty, and the world's best spies have been deployed to stop it. When you're in the middle of a trainwreck of a rescue mission, you don't have time to stop and rest and breathe. You have time to run. Alpha & Beta kids.
1. the gala

_Sometimes, people need to take a break. They need to calm down and stop and just breathe. They need to relax and try to relieve themselves of their stress and the too-fast pace their heat puts up. Of course, when you're in the middle of a trainwreck of a rescue mission, you don't have time to stop and rest and breathe. You have time to run._

* * *

The gala was to be a lavish one. It was New Year's Eve. Jack Noir, a wealthy higher-up in the government, had been chosen to throw a celebration for those deemed fit to attend. When he sent the invitations, however, he failed to mention that he'd be crashing his own party by making an assassination attempt on the royalty. The rumors circulating in the city's underworld had made their way to the boss of one special agent Dirk Strider, who currently stood outside of Noir's mansion looking up. "We probably don't want to make a huge splash of an entrance, considering that we're not holding invitations," he said, looking at his companion. "Still, these trees around us should shield us enough for the use of a grappling hook gun. Nice and old-fashioned. There should be two in the briefcase you were given."

"Darn, I was really hoping to make a big entrance this time." Beside the 'leader' of sorts was a blonde with a drink in her hand, sipping at it as she leaned back enough to eye the roof. Roxy Lalonde let a grin quirk her lips as she took another drawn out drink from her alcoholic beverage and then dug out the grappling hook, aiming it at her taller companion with a joking 'pchoo' and laughing. Obviously, she might have needed to lay off the drinks for a while. Or, maybe not, she worked almost as well drunk as she did sober. "Alright, Dirk-Stri, let's get this show on the ro-ad and tell Janey and Jake to hurry their asses up."

Dirk blinked at her for a second or two before realizing that she couldn't see his eyes behind his shades. This was gonna be a long night. "Good idea. Hey, English," he spoke into his nearly undetectable mic. "You and Jane good to go?"

One street over, Jake English sat in the quartet's main mode of transport for the mission, a nondescript black limousine. "Yes, Strider," he replied, "our ducks all seem to be in a row." The neighborhood was a classy one and the car blended in perfectly, especially with all of the government officials pouring in for the party. An array of guns littered the backseat, covered by only a black blanket at this point in time. If the straits became dire, they could be stored underneath the cushions.

Sitting in the same car, a short, dark-haired girl was slipping into something a lot less comfortable than her usual attire. "Thanks, Dirk, for remembering to include me in your address," she joked into the small mic stationed on her cheek. "I feel especially loved." Once she'd managed to tug the tight fitting and rather attention catching dress on, her feet were shoved into heels - Roxy had called them stillettos or something of the sort - and she was mussing her hair slightly. Jane Crocker dropped her glasses into her small purse, blinking owlishly around for a moment.

"No problem, Jane. Good luck in there - try not to crash into anyone too important," Dirk said. "Roxy and I are going in from the third floor. West-facing side of the house with all the trees around it." He nudged Roxy and jerked a thumb up at one of the balconies above.

"When have I ever crashed into anyone?" Jane snorted sarcastically, opening the door to the limo and giving Jake a smile and cool wave goodbye. "Don't let Roxy get herself into too much trouble." Shaking her head, the girl stepped through to security, handling them a carefully faked invite and smiling gently as she walked by, lips falling when she'd gotten through the doorway. "I'm in."

The blonde girl was already aiming up when he nudged her and she shot him a wide grin, pulling the trigger and watching the hook catch on the balcony. She wriggled, releasing and getting jerked up with a quieter than usual whoop of laughter, "You're going to fall behind like this!" Roxy called down to him as she swung her leg over the balcony onto the floor.

Dirk pulled his own gun and shot the grappling hook up to the balcony as well, scoffing at her remark. "Sure, Lalonde. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Grabbing the briefcase still sitting on the ground, he was standing next to Roxy a few seconds later. He adjusted his tie and took a peek into the room attached. Empty - good. He knelt to retrieve the weapons within, including tasers, guns, and knives for encounters that got a bit too close. He handed one of each to Roxy. "We're in as well."

Reaching up to adjust one of the many pins in her hair, Roxy tugged her long jacket off and set it in a nearby chair, revealing a surprisingly short, but not so clingy dress underneath. She brushed the fabric down and then brushed a hand through her hair before giving her companion a little wave as she situated her newly acquirred weapons to stay hidden and then backed to up to the door, drink still precariously balanced in hand. "See you soon, Dirk! I have a security console to find."

Opening the car door, Jake got out, armed to the teeth. He hastily concealed one last gun before adjusting his own disguise, a waiter's outfit that had been picked up a day before (to ensure that it matched the rest). None of the other kitchen workers noticed as he blended with them. They were rushing, and before he knew it there was a platter in his hands and someone shoving him into the ballroom. He glanced about the sea of faces, hoping to see Jane to no avail. "Cream puff, madam?" he offered to a random guest. He hoped that would do in lieu of an "I'm in," that being a thing waiters did not generally say.

It didn't take long for the short girl to maneuver her way through the building, keeping an eye out for Jack Noir (or any associates, including his marked hit). She moved surprisingly smoothly for a half blind chick in heels, stepping around groups of chatty higher ups and smiling at waiters as she moved around them. A few people tried to initiate conversation, but Jane was quick to fend it off with some excuse or another. There were some people you couldn't say no to, though. For example; the host of the party you had crashed with a fake invitation.

"Ah, madam." A hand reached for her shoulder and she turned, smile set on her lips falling when she took in the man. He had slicked back black hair and a sharp, charming smile on his face. "I don't quite recall your name. If you wouldn't mind..."

* * *

**A/N: This is a collaboration between MickiTheMouse and I. I've become Homestuck since the last thing I posted, so that nearly obliterates everything else I was working on. I regret it as much as some others may. We've already written part of the next chapter, so look for that soonish!  
**


	2. slight suspicion

Pushing up his shades - wait, fuck, nothing there. Dave Strider, despite the smile on his face, was not a happy camper. Every so often he'd get a role that required acting like a normal person. While he was good at it, he swore every minute spent being jovial and courteous to these people ate away at his soul. At least the airheaded guests tended to laugh at his jokes.

From the moment Jane Crocker had entered the ballroom, he'd pegged her as suspicious. Not many people moved through a ballroom that quickly - unless they didn't belong there. Speaking of which, moving quickly sounded good right now. She'd been stopped by Noir himself. If he couldn't intervene at this point, he could just catch her after. But hang on a second. This girl was beginning to look… vaguely familiar. In a flash Dave remembered that she was another agent. But why in the hell was she here? Yeah, it was definitely time to interrupt that conversation.

"Oh, there you are!" he said as he approached. Putting an arm round Jane's shoulder, he smiled cordially in Jack's direction. "Excuse me, Mr. Noir, if I could borrow this young lady for a moment?" Damn, her undercover pseudonym was evading him. He began to steer her away across the floor, heading for a spot with fewer people near it.

Noir seemed inclined to object but instead let his smile inch higher, suspicion and slight malicious intent slipping into his gaze. Despite that, he lifted his hand from her shoulder and stepped back to let them through, a predatory look flashing across his features as they walked by. Jane picked her pace up when she was so much as two steps from him, steering toward a less habitated spot before turning to her new companion and squinting at him.

"Excuse me, but just who are you to drag me away like that?" She huffed and put both hands on her hips, tilting her nose up. Her attempts to stay in character slipped slightly when a smile flitted across her face, but she didn't drop the act. "Do you know who I am? I'm Kimberly Emilion, how dare you put your hands on me!" Seeing as she didn't recognize him, she went with plan C; create a scene and escape unknown hands.

You had to be fucking kidding. Dave resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead offering up a charming grin. "Miss Emilion, I'm surprised you don't remember me! We met at the Black Tie Ball fundraiser for the children's hospital a few weeks ago. Perhaps it's time for a refresher course. I'm Liam. Liam Holland." For once, he was glad not to have the shades as he gave her a slightly withering stare. He snapped his fingers to get a waiter's attention, signaling for a champagne that he wouldn't drink very much of. But hey, keeping up appearances was important.

Jake had long since run out of cream puffs and had gotten several opportunities to stash weapons all over the house. Some were in out-of-the-way closets, while others were attached to the undersides of tables or chairs. All one had to do was look for a semi-likely hiding spot, then check the spot next to it. By the time Dave had gestured for a drink, that was what Jake was carrying. Seeing Jane as well, he hurried over as best he could with a platter full of drinks and served them. He looked his kindred agent over for signs of injury and found none. And who was this other fellow? He was bursting with questions that he couldn't ask. Hoping that no one needed a drink from him anytime soon, he stationed himself in front of a nearby pillar.

_Black Tie Ball, fundraiser for the children's hospital._ It sounded familiar, but - no, it couldn't be. Jane dug through her purse for a moment and situated round glasses on her nose. She eyed the boy in front of her and frowned. He looked like the boy she'd known, but something was off. It took a moment for it to click, but the raven haired girl found herself half gaping in surprise. Her lips quirked upward and she let out a quiet breath of relief. Another agent - though, why he was here she could have to ask - at least it wasn't anyone she should've had to be suspicious of.

"Liam, sorry, I drank a little tonight and without my glasses," cue a point to her glasses and a slightly apologetic smile, "I'm more than a little blind." She glanced around for her long time friend and tapped a nail against the arm of her glasses in case he was looking. She was relatively sure that was the sign for 'safe' but maybe it was actually 'danger'… Oh well. "How did you get your hands on an invite tonight?"

Dave thanked several deities that she remembered him. The last thing this situation needed was another straw on its metaphorical back. "No hard feelings," he said. "It was by chance, actually. Mr. Noir and I met on the street and I ended up connecting him with this marvelous catering company. I suppose he felt that he owed me a favor." Or, Rose had handed him a fake invitation before he'd stepped out of HQ. Basically the same thing.

Jade Harley cringed as the cellar door creaked open and she slipped into the room, guiding guard dog Bec on a harnessed leash. Since having a dog was questionable business at a party (and she could not fake blind to save her life, a lesson previously learned), her job was to sneak through uninhabited parts of the mansion making sure nothing went awry. People tended to get out of Bec's way when they were going through a crowd. Looking around, she patted him on the head. "Good dog," she said as she took in their dark, dank surroundings. She conducted a cursory investigation before making one conclusion: clearly, Jack didn't send anyone down _here_ very often. "Best friend. Okay, let's go!"

As she made a move to leave, Bec whined quietly and tugged in the opposite direction. Confused, Jade let him lead her over to one of the walls and of course it was actually a door. How very amateur villain. Jade stepped through and gaped at the strangest tunnel she'd ever seen. It wasn't well-lit, but it was in better maintenance than was probably necessary: the carpet, rich and red, complemented the walls, lined with tapestries and the sconces that were doing the lighting. Not to mention the fact that this was wide enough to accommodate three or four cars. What the hell could this be for? Well, they could figure that part out later. How important could it possibly be when there was an assassination afoot? For now, she had a job to do! Closing the door and marking it with a nearby box, she guided Bec up the stairs into the mansion's lower levels, murmuring one short sentence under her breath. "I'm in."


End file.
